I feel like someone pressed the pause button on my life.
I’ve been working on the skatepark for over three years now, and multiple times have been close to signing a lease. Each time something has gone wrong.
I walked for so long with Oregon City landlords, trusting they would get things figured out. I pointed out all the problems from the beginning and was consistently dismissed by an old white man who reminded me of my grandfather. He had assumed he knew what he was doing becuase he’d done it before.
“The laws have changed” I repeated, “they are going to require surveys, and fire inspections, you will have to make these changes, it will take a lot of time and money.” He reassured me it would be fine and and I would be in the space soon.
Eventually it became clear I was correct, it was going to take several months of work and a lot of money. I walked away and told them to call me when the building was cleared for occupancy. I haven’t heard back.
I’m not sure the first time I went to the Milwakie space, but it was several months ago. This one is better. It is one big room, right about 5000 square feet. Its between a very similar family focused sports entertainment business, and a bottle drop facility. Neither will care that we are loud and both places attract lots of families. There is a coffee and ice cream shop in the parking lot. There is a pizza place in the same building. And best of all, its close to home.
But again, I’m being left hanging by the landlords who are dragging their feet. We’ve negotiated the lease, we got to a point we are all happy with. But we have yet to sign it. Its been weeks of hearing nothing.
This waiting is killing me. This lease is everything right now. Its so hard to know how much to work on the skatepark. I don’t want to put my time into this building only for them to drop us. I don’t want to start paying for things specific to this space until I’m sure its ours.
I’ve pushed my broker multiple times, she’s just as frustrated as I am. Or so she thinks.
For her this is just one deal, just one pay day. For me this is my life. My life on hold, my life with no income, my life just waiting. I want to do something. I can’t pick up anything new until I know how this chapter ends.
Its like I’m reading a book but the last chapter hasn’t been published yet, the author is just not sure how to end it. Except maybe I’m not reading it. I’m the protagonist, and they’ve left me at a climax with no resolution.
I’m not sure how to cope with this. Its like waiting to know if you’ve been accepted to the school with your dream program. Except there is a hard deadline for things like that. For this they can drag me along as long as they want. And they hold all the cards, while I’m here just waiting, hoping, dreaming, and stressing.
Again last night I was up for much of the night with this problem in my head. Should I be doing more? Should I be assuming I will get this lease? Moving forward with plans and permits?
No. I did that before. It didn’t get us ahead enough to make any difference and wasted time and money in the process.
I have done some work, some big stuff. Reworked the business plan for our new financial situation and specific to this space. I also talked to a prospective employee and she’s totally on board.
She’s an incredible person who I met pretty quickly after moving to Portland, at one of the only indoor skateparks around. She introduced me to Skate Like a Girl where we volunteered together and over the years we’ve gotten to know each other better.
Knowing she’s willing and excited not just to work for me, but take on a managerial role literally helps me sleep at night. Becuase I can’t do this alone. I need a team, and building that team is going to be one of the most crucial parts of this endeavor.
A few things are moving forward, but the biggest most important peice is just on hold and my whole life is on hold with it.